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I would apologize, but that always seems to make it worse.
I wish...
I wish it could go back to how it was.
Why is this all going wrong?
You were honestly one of the best things that have happened to me.
Everything was so perfect
Before I messed it all up.
You used to treat me like I actually was your best friend
And you acted like you cared.
Now you look over me from exactly six inches taller 
And pretend you didn't notice me.
Did I hurt you so badly that you avoid me now?
What did I do to diminish my own value so drastically in your eyes?
And look what I've done to myself:
I can hardly eat,
I can't sleep,
I space out for what seems like an eternity.
I can't concentrate,
I lay around on the couch and try to watch the least emotional movies possible on Netflix to keep my mind off of you.
I get frustrated with myself going over the many, many ways I could have avoided this.
I get irritable and I've started getting so fed up with myself.
I punch walls.
That's a new one for me...
I've never suffered like this before-
So deeply in my heart that I never forget it.
Everyone asks me why I look so sad.
Why?
I'm losing my best friend.
You'll never know the countless hours I've spent praying for you this week.
After you told me we couldn't really...
I don't know...
Talk outside of school,
Email, 
Be close...
I go out on my bike because it calms me down when I overwhelm myself
And I start by saying,
"So, God... I know I've already prayed about this so many times, but..."
And I let all my feelings pour out in words, tears, and just pure emotion.
Russell says that prayers are seeds.
Well, I'm growing an entire jungle over here
While you look for information on the history of Washington
Or oxidation numbers
Or chasing the ball down in P.E.
I keep praying for you. 
Not just that you would want to be my friend again,
But that God would show up to you in a big way.
I've had so many people pray with me for you.
So many people tend to ask what's wrong and if they can pray for something
When you start crying when they ask how you are.
I've got a whole prayer team standing behind you, Miracle.
My piano teacher, Tana, Grace, Maddie, Julius... My youth leader, my youth pastor, Rachel... And most of all, me.
It's amazing the amount of water a body can lose through crying.
I hope you never come across this 
I don't want you to know the pain this is causing me.
I never ever want you to hurt because of my own pain.
If you need to grow away from me for your own good, 
No matter what it costs me, I want you to be the very best you can.
And I know you will do amazing things because you already are.
Like I said, if that's what makes you happy, go for it.
No matter how cheesy it may sound, 
I care about you more than any part of myself.
I need to get this out of me,
But I hope you never know what losing you like this is costing me.
You really are amazing, angel.
"There will be times you won't believe in much of anything
That's when you'll find the grace of God in just surrendering...
Don't lose your faith,
Don't turn away,
Everything that makes you who you are will not lead you astray.
When it gets cold, 
Too dark to see,
Reach in your soul and find me there 
I'll always be your constant angel.
In every prayer I am constantly there with you."
Keep doing the things of God and above all else,
Remember the love that God and so many others, 
Me included,
Have for you.
            -Smithie